A little look at things I’m learning, creating, returning to, and still figuring out.

Has anyone else ever just not really been too attached to anything?

Not in the “I don’t have any worldly attachments” kind of way. 

Something way less dramatic. 

You can be interested in dozens of different things, get completely absorbed in one for a while, and then find yourself wandering toward something else without really feeling like you’ve left anything behind. 

I’ve started wondering if that’s just how my brain works. 

Right now, I’m pretty interested in photography. 

I’m Working on my book.

Thinking about crocheting something. 

And cautiously thinking about the relationships in my life. 

“None of these are fighting for my attention. They just kinda coexist around each other.”

None of these are fighting for my attention. They just kinda coexist around each other. 

Recently, I’ve noticed that I tend to move between interests. I wouldn’t say that’s inherently a bad thing, but maybe I’m more impulsive than I realized? 

Maybe impulsive isn’t the exact fit. 

I’ve always liked photography. 

It’s just one of things I’ve never really allowed myself to explore. I think I always gave myself an out from exploring it for one reason or another. 

I didn’t know enough about cameras. I didn’t think I could ever be good enough. I was unsure where to start. 

So because of the out, photography stayed as something I admired from afar. 

Apparently afar is closer than I thought. 

I’ve started to explore photography recently, and I realized it’s okay to not know everything before I could begin. 

I didn’t need to understand everything about what settings to use. 

My pictures don’t have to be perfect on the first shot. And I certainly don’t have to label what style of photography I did– honestly I still don’t know! 

What I needed was to take a chance on something that’s always been a part of me.

Learning to pay attention to how the light hits something, or thinking about how to capture the beauty of that path I pass every morning.  

I’m still learning. Still having days where things just aren’t working with me the way I picture them.

But right now? Photography doesn’t feel like something I’m admiring from the outside. 

“It feels like a welcome back. “

You guys might vaguely remember that I mentioned I’m working on a book…. If not well, spoiler alert! 

My book is probably the easiest example of why “impulsive” isn’t the right word. What I mean is, I’ve never stopped working on it. 

There have been times where I have great writing days and others where even writing makes me gag. Even when photography started to tug at me, the book is still there. 

The characters are still developing, scenes are playing in my head, and ideas about where to take the story are flooding my life.  

Writing has never really felt like something I picked up on a whim. Even in school I have always loved English class, especially the creative writing parts. 

Writing is something I’m confident is my anchor. It’s what I keep coming back to, keep dreaming to do for a living. 

And I got to thinking, maybe that’s the difference. 

“Being interested in something new without losing interest in something I already love. “

Photography isn’t pushing my writing out. It’s found another space of my attention. And within that corner, I don’t have to choose which interest has to matter more. 

And then I got to thinking, what about crocheting? 

It’s another one of my interests and it’s actually the easiest yet hardest to explain. 

Truthfully, I haven’t actually crocheted anything in well over a month I’d say? 

It’s not because I decided I was done with it, I still have my yarn, my hooks, and I still save videos of things I think would be cool to make. 

But then I remember I’m still in the beginning stages of “learning how to make things without wanting to chunk the project across the room” stage. 

Honestly, maybe the reason why I haven’t picked it back up yet is simply because I’m still a newbie. 

I don’t want people to expect this amazing project and then be disappointed once it’s complete. 

Or quite possibly I haven’t actually found a project I want to stick with. 

I’m not saying an interest has to be something I’m actively doing every day for it to be my thing. Sometimes it can sit quietly in the background until I’m mentally ready to pick it back up again. 

And maybe that’s why I’m slowly realizing all my interests. 

Not all interests are on the same level, or require the same attention. It’s okay to shuffle from time to time. 

In fact, I’d almost lean toward it’s beneficial to anyone’s creative process to mix it up a bit! 

I think that’s the part I’m starting to learn about myself. 

It’s not always that I lose interest. Sometimes I put things down because I don’t feel good at them yet. 

Photography had this barrier for years.

Crochet has a slightly more flimsy barrier.

And maybe that’s something I need to get better at recognizing. 

Just because I’m not good at something right now, doesn’t mean I’ll never be any good at it. 

And most importantly, I’m allowed to enjoy it despite my experience. 

Then there’s my relationships. 

They don’t exactly work quite the same way. 

I can pick up a camera whenever, shove my crochet project in a corner, and work on my book on a good writing day.

People, well they aren’t quite as patient. 

Relationships exist whether I’m actively participating or not. Which is probably why I’ve been thinking about them alongside all these other parts of my life. 

I’ve never been someone who needs constant interaction to feel connected to someone. I can go through a period where I’m so focused on my own world and still care deeply about the people around me. 

But recently, after a bit of a spiral I’ve been wondering if people really understand me. 

“Maybe my attention can move around without my own feelings moving with it.”

Maybe that’s something I’m still learning how to communicate. 

I’ve spent  a lot of time recently wondering whether moving between interests means I’m not really interested in what life has to offer or if I was bored. 

But I’m starting to think there might be another possibility. 

Maybe I’m just a curious person who doesn’t need every interest to have the same place in my life. 

Photography can be something to learn. 

My book can be something to build. 

Crochet can be something to return to when I’m ready.

And the people I care about can still matter even if my attention is somewhere else. 

Maybe the problem isn’t that my attention moves. 

Maybe what feels obvious to me isn’t always obvious to someone else.

I can still care deeply about someone without constantly checking in, making plans, or talking about them. 

But that doesn’t mean the other person automatically knows that.  

And perhaps I can learn how to better communicate on a level that other people understand so that not everything that matters is pushed aside. 

Sometimes it’s simply knowing there’s a place to return to. 

That’s what I’m learning about myself. 

I don’t have to choose one thing and give it all of me.

It’s okay to have a lot of interests.  

I wander.

I came back.

I pick things up for a bit and pause others for a while. 

I’m learning there’s a difference between lack of commitment and making room for curiosity. 

After all, I’ve spent years admiring photography afar. 

Turns out, I was closer than I thought.

More soon,

Quill