I may have mentioned this before but there was a person that was a catalyst for a situation that was deeper than I realized. 

And honestly now that I’ve taken some time? 

I don’t think it was really even about that person. 

But the ambiguity of the space between us. 

That constant feeling of trying to decode every message or interaction that really never fully had an answer to begin with. 

When there is something unclear for so long, you eventually start responding to the uncertainty more than the person themselves. 

That silence. 

That inconsistency. 

That little piece of warmth that’s just enough to keep you questioning everything again. 

Before I could even process it, I was already mentally checking out from trying to understand something was never completely solid in the first place. 

After taking a step back from everything I’ve started looking at the patterns rather than the possibilities. 

Let me explain.

Looking at the way a person consistently shows up instead of how they dress up their words or even how I subconsciously build them up in my head. 

Because looking and sounding good on paper doesn’t always mean it’s going to work out on the practical side. 

Sometimes it just leaves you mentally and emotionally drained. 

And honestly between verbally dumping on my very reluctant cat–after everything is said and done, I can confidently say this entire situation helped me understand when something or someone is becoming a drain. 

Not every connection has to be chased or even needs to be chased, just because there is an emotional pull. 

Sometimes having that consistency says more than chemistry ever could. 

Right now, I like the dynamic between us now–it’s simply friendly coworkers. 

And honestly? 

It’s the best place for the ambiguity to rest. 

“Sometimes consistency says more than chemistry ever could.”

It’s funny, for a while I was confusing uncertainty with depth. 

Like if something ticked all the superficial boxes that made me overthink long enough, it must mean it mattered more than the others. 

But lately, clarity has been feeling much more present in my mind. 

And for me– I prefer having peace of mind over ambiguity, any day of the week. 

More Soon,

Quill.