“The chaos hadn’t disappeared–it had just settled into my bones.”
I’m starting to think the older I get, the more susceptible I am to colds—or at the very least, the kind of mental exhaustion that shows up as physical ailments.
You know the type. Where you physically feel sick—nauseous , lethargic, and downright overstimulated.
At home, we’re currently renovating, and with the time of year, Christmas decorations and glitter are everywhere it absolutely shouldn’t be.
There’s no quiet space, zero order only visual noise and almost-finished projects.
So with all the chaos inside my house, I’m feeling physically DONE. My body wants sleep but the house isn’t harmonious—settled enough to feel at peace.
Add in my boss is now back in the country but still isn’t physically in the office— and yes, he can work remotely, but that doesn’t actually help…at all.
This is definitely going to be another hectic week. So grab some tea, your emotional support cat and lock in with me while I dish out all about my past week and what’s to come!
Which brings me to Monday the chosen day where everything implodes.
Where Everything Goes Wrong
Monday– the day of mayhem, where everything goes wrong.
Instead of waking up to a calm, easy morning, I was greeted by a raging headache, nausea, and a cat who had decided throwing up was more important than breakfast.
So immediately being thrown into a war zone. Blankets flying, a sick cat, and big red numbers saying I overslept. Mild panic set in.
Pulling on my work clothes and rushing through my morning routine, all while making sure my cat wasn’t actively dying. I rushed out the door and sent a message letting my superior know I’d be late–tragically a NO coffee day.
When I finally arrived, I found myself standing in freezing weather–because why would anyone be on time today.
I stood blinking at a locked door, half-dead, as if the harder I stared would magically open it and offer answers… or at least medicine strong enough to get me through this trainwreck.
When the Chaos Lingers
Tuesday- a quiet chaos turned frozen fingers.
The chaos from Monday hadn’t left–in fact it’s like it welcomed it in.
I made it to the work building on time this morning–I myself was honestly surprised. My body was heavy and fingers in the beginning stages of frostbite (okay, maybe not that bad, yet).
Going into the day it started off slowly and let us ease into what turned into a sixteen hour day.
To be fair, we were getting it stuff done. Everything was flowing even after a fender bender… with a cop. We had a bullet generator that was putting off some serious warmth.
And just as soon as the thought enters my head–the issues start falling in.
The worst part was knowing the problem wasn’t my lack of skill. It was clearance. I knew what needed to be fix but couldn’t because my access level.
And I find out that only one person could help— apparently, that’s what efficiency looks like.
So once we got back logged with an issue the temperature started falling and the sky darkened.
One of the only highlights from this day came from my co-worker–let’s call him 130 (A little joke that makes me smile). He’s a couple years younger than me and has a adorable boy-next-door vibe.
He just sneaks up on you in a good way.
I could feel his gaze watching me and it made me nervous when turned me into an awkward mess that couldn’t hold his gaze to have a conversation.
Luckily, he had to stay for a few extra minutes, and I got to see him for a bit. Exhausted as he was, he still had a warm smile.
That warm smile held me over until I was able to get home without all the distraction. No noise. No demands. Just stillness and the memory of a successful work day and warm smile.
“The chaos hadn’t disappeared–it had just settled into my bones.”
The Reset Never Came
Wednesday—the mid day reset that never happened.
After getting home late my sleep schedule was completely wrecked. I dragged myself to work already working of cup number two of coffee.
At work it was quite noticeable with the lack of hands in support. I first had to wade through all my unread emails, stacks of broken equipment covering my desk, and the multiple missed calls.
It’s frustrating in a very specific way — knowing help exists, but feeling like you’re still carrying everything alone.
By mid-afternoon I was neck deep in playing catch ip in the field and half eaten lunch the mental exhaustion was kicking in full force.
I was counting down the minutes until I could head home.
That night, I didn’t try to be productive. I didn’t clean. I didn’t catch up.
I let myself stop.
Sometimes acknowledging your limits is the most productive thing you can do.
“Sometimes acknowledging your limits is the most productive thing you can do.”
Softening the Edges
Thursday—wasn’t the worst but definitely started to slow down.
I was able to catch up on office assignments and smaller tasks. Emails were answered. Accounts given access. All in all it was a productive day, a seven out of ten.
Somethings were left unfinished, but they weren’t overflowing— which felt manageable.
Leaving work this day meant I was able to actually separate my work and home time, which my cats were extremely happy about.
The house was mostly restored to it’s clean state, and then a moment where the warm Christmas lights glowed, cats curled up together and a calm settled over me.
My body was unclenched, phone silent, and my brain was able to shut off and just able to mentally prepare for Friday—where I hoped to bring everything full circle.
“It didn’t fix everything — but it softened the edges.”
Holding Steady
Friday- The final stretch to freedom.
By Friday, the week had beaten me down— but it had also taught me something familiar, yet easy to forget.
I was able to handle this major event without too much trouble or hiccups.
It proved I am capable to handle things without needing to completely rely on my boss.
The office didn’t implode. My house is still standing. The noise will fade.
Even if I wasn’t able to complete everything on my list— I wasn’t overwhelmed with backlog.
So sure this week kicked my butt —but I held my own. I learn new things, became more aware of my limits and found a deeper appreciation of the quiet moments.
I like to thing this week allowed for growth both in my personal life and professional life.
And I’m satisfied with my growth.
Weeks like this remind me that resilience doesn’t always look like powering through without complaint. Sometimes it looks like showing up tired, doing what I can and letting myself have a time-out without guilt when the day finally ends.
Not every week has to be graceful. Not every moment needs productivity. Sometimes, simply holding steady through the noise is enough.
If you ever had a heavy week or weeks, I hope you find a moment of quiet soon— a warm light, a calm breath, maybe even a cat curled up nearby reminding you that stillness counts as progress.
Thanks for surviving this with me.
With love,
Quill🐾
